


Ciel Phantomhive: Stillness

by TastingLatte



Series: Feelings: A Series of One-Shots [17]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Commitment, Gen, Marriage, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TastingLatte/pseuds/TastingLatte
Summary: Ciel always wrestles with his Demons - both the one he has and the ones he tries to deny. A late night conversation makes Ciel reevaluate the reasons he keeps moving on, or why he would simply surrender to the stillness.Part of the "Feelings: A Series of One-Shots" series.





	Ciel Phantomhive: Stillness

STILLNESS

He laid in her arms, not sure if he should move, if he should stay, if he should simply be quiet or be talking. There was nothing in his mind that told him what to do next. This was simply a new experience. A new thing. Something even he wasn't prepared for fully. He blinked hard as he felt her delicate hand move, over his chest, pulling herself closer into his back, her own flesh sending him into a whirlwind of emotions. The same he had when he had looked at her. The same he had when he had brushed her hair back. The same he had when he had undid the buttons down her back, pulling her closer, pulling her brilliantly white dress off, pulling her into him, pulling her into their bed.

He moved a bit, her grip loosening as he heard her breathing become shallow and steady; she was asleep. His body told him he should be too, his mind told him never to sleep again. He twisted around and looked at her face, so peaceful, so pure, so radiant. Surely they should have collapsed the opposite way - he holding her. But he was not sure he wanted to hold her, wanted to pull her close, wanted the face he had grown to love, be the one he looked at as he fought sleep. Because that would mean she was his. And he was hers. And there, in that moment, he was sure, he would give in and wish never to leave her. But he had to. He needed to. This… he reminded himself, sweeping a bit of her curls off her face, was what was expected of him.

_"Do you, Earl Ciel Phantomhive…."_

_"I do…."_

_"I'm so happy Ciel!"_

"Don't be happy for too long," he muttered as he slipped out of her arms, her fingers trailing and grasping, curling and floating, off his skin, too hot, too cold, too… heightened. "There will be stillness in my body soon."

He shrugged his robe on, his feet clad in slippers, and he slipped out of the bedroom, his new life still asleep, sighing as she turned and the ghost of a smile on her lips. He let his gaze linger at how the sheets flowed over her body and thought back to how his fingers did the same. He shook his head and closed the door quietly. He walked down the long hall, to the top of the stairs, and stood, unafraid of the towering figure that waited on the bottom of the stairs.

"You wish to end it now?"

"No."

"So why do you seek me out on such a happy night?"

Ciel placed a foot on the top stair and watched as the figure turned his head a bit to his left, his gaze slightly over his shoulder, slightly on Ciel, wholly somewhere else. Ciel placed his other foot on the same step and stilled. Why indeed?

"The future has changed."

"Indeed it has."

"And our contract?"

"Never will change."

Ciel watched as the figure turned a bit more, his small movements and perfectly clad gloves, flowing into the perfectly acceptable suit. Ciel took the next step and once more eyed the figure, the small wisps and the small amount of heat that was in his eye. Ciel took the next step.

"My… wife."

"Yes?"

"She will be left behind."

"But you knew this."

"I never expected to be this far along and no where closer to my end."

"Neither did I."

Ciel's eyebrows shot up as he took the next three steps as he spoke. "I find that hard to believe."

"It is true, nonetheless."

"And now?"

"Now?"

"Are you sure the future is so long?"

Ciel paused as he was three steps away, the figure fully facing him now, his face flat, impassive, but his eyes open, longing, still, yet keenly watching.

"It may be some time before we both can find our next step."

Ciel's hand slapped the man before he even knew what was happening, before he could think, before he could register it was the same hand that had caressed his wife's hand and body. "You…"

"Demon?"

"Yes," the Earl responded with teeth clenched. "I did my husbandly duties, if you were not aware."

"I was."

"And now - now do yours."

"I have no husbandly duties," the man said, smiling a bit. He caught the hand before it even connected to his face a second time. "I can not do my duties. The time has not come… yet."

"Make it come!"

"I would, at times, like nothing more."

"I am tired, Sebastian. I am tired of the pain, the hurt, the senselessness of life."

"Are you also tired of the love, the laughter, the sweet caresses of tenderness?"

Ciel moved to stand on the same level of his Demon, even so he now was looking up the foot between them. He searched his Demon's curious gaze, felt the gliding fingers, gliding flesh, of his new wife, the smile and the breath on his skin. He felt the light filter on his skin as he walked the garden, the laughter of his staff, the smiles of those who felt he was loving, giving, generous. But at the same time he felt the hate and hurt of those who wanted his protection, the needy and helpless who called to him as he walked by, his heart hard, his mission clear, and unclear. He saw his Master and Slave. He saw his Queen and Watchdog. He saw the face of his bride, gasping as he cupped her chin and kissed her, sealing them, binding them, grounding him.

He stood there, before the man, even as the man moved silently away, not sure if he should call out, cry out, whisper him to come back, or stand still. Waiting for the end to come. Waiting simply for something to do next.

Ciel turned, hours later, the first light filtering in through the high windows of the entry guiding him, to climb the staircase once more. As he walked down the hall, back to his room, he glanced as the figure opened his door and bowed, ever the servant, ever the silent darkness, ever the one who also found it easy to be still and not move, yet also wanting to know where they were going.

"Master…"

Ciel turned and pulled his eyes from the form who was still and silent, standing in the doorway, his perfect hand on the doorknob, to the woman who was sitting in the middle of his bed, her creamy skin contrasting with the deep blue blankets. He moved into the room and sighed, the door closing ever so silently, letting him be alone once more to take in the way her figure was lit, how still she sat, her eyes wondering, asking, pleading. And he shrugged off his robe, left it and his slippers on the floor and pulled her into his arms, watching as she smiled wider, her flesh delighting his as he pulled her close.

"Lizzie. I'm yours for a bit longer."


End file.
